Saturday 14th November 2020

 I've lost one of my antibiotic capsels in the kitchen and I've looked everywhere for it, even tipping my bins out to see if I can find it, I've been taking them an hour late beacuse i had to get things done.  I self harm when I get sngry, slapping my ugly face and hitting myself.  Everyday seems like Friday 13th with me!  Just spent an hour with a torch  trying to search for it, it must be somewhere it can't have just vanished.  I'm fed up to the back teeth of things going wrong, I wish I was  dead sometimes, my life will be empty after my parents are gone.  I've never ever had a proper relationship; all men do is break my heart anyway.

It's my own fault I should have been more careful taking it out the packet, would have been better if the capsel had rolled down the plughole, at least I would have known where it went.  I should eat at six but I'm not hungry now, someone up there must really hate me.  I'll probably wait hours before the Dr rings because I'll be not considered important enough, I put myself down because I am not important enough; I'm a nobody and always will be.  I'm just a piece of shit no one cares about.  I just want my fucking capsel back!

The nurse rang me and said to just carry on the packet as usuel.  I've also blocked a stupid woman on my phone called Margaret, I first met her at Bournemouth spiritulist church.  Calls me stupid names because I don't work and probably thinks jobs grow on tree's, she's in her 60's and is some idiot I could do well without!

Des Oconner also died, he was a great entertainer.