Sunday 7th Feb 2021

I'll be glad when dad gets out of the hospital, I was leaving the big Tesco when he phoned me. Mum keeps saying she's fed up and depressed and it's doing my head in. 

I had a thumping headache one morning after eventually dropping off like I'm being punished for falling asleep.

I haven't been sleeping very well so I rang up 3 swans for advice, I'm picking something from Wells pharmacy on Monday; couldn't on Saturday as they close at 1 pm. I hope it hasn't got valium in it, or I'm not taking it!

I'm expected to sit in the chair all day long and I can't do that, I'm fed up myself listening to mum's woes all the time. I know I should be more understanding, but it's getting me down. I've rang Age Concern to see if we could use their services.

I have to make phone calls for mum as her hearing aids aren't working, and decide to pack up when needed most.  

Don't get me wrong, I love my mum but I feel like I'm expected to sort everything out. Mum gets tearful and upset, if she's like this now; what's she going to be like when dad gets out of hospital?

I hope they get the help they need because I need to take a step back. I can't even play music to calm my nerves because mum's convinced it'll use too much electricity. This sort of old fashioned attitude went out forty years ago!

I'm expected to sit around all day, I don't bloody think so! I'm not staying indoors all day long, because I'll no flaming nuts!

I've never had much encouragement from my family. Both my parents are negative, mum has s low opinion of everything and always puts me down when I talk of my goals, dad isn't much better and says I have holes in my bucket list which isn't helpful.

Aunt Joan and Alan aren't much better, slapping me down at every opportunity; it's no wonder my confidence is low. I get pissed off with Alan, to a point I no longer want him to stay at my house at Easter. 

He's just so critical and argumentative, causing rows that are so pointless and stupid it's unbelievable. And Elizabeth moans at me for any little thing.

I'd like to cut myself off from the whole damned lot of them! I'm fed up with their damned miserable attitude. 

I moved out from my parents because they DROVE me away. I need my own space, roll on the day dad comes out of the hospital. 

Then I'll be expected to help out. I need to step back and take a breather. I have ambitions, but my family don't share that.