Family bereavement 7th August 2024

I think it's important to write this before I forget. My aunt went into hospital at Salisbury, she kept passing out at mums. So she was admitted. 

I remember following her out to the ambulance in the garages, I got panicked because they'd vanished. 

Karl said the paramedics were not happy with me, because I'd rung the switchboard. What do they expect? I'm autistic, I didn't know where they were.

Turned out she was anemic,  which must have been coming on when she drive from Rugby-Salisbury. Needed Iron pumped into her via a drip.  It was very hot on the wards due to the heatwave, then they moved her to a single ward where she was eventually discharged.  I met Alan of the train on platform 2, he shared a room with Karl who complained of his snoring.  

Alan came to the hospital and picked up aunt Joan, Karl said he was missing his Netflix.  I said goodbye to them on the green and I sat on the bench feeling lonely whilst waiting for mum to come up to see dad.  I said I would never go into the spare room at my parents and it still felt of aunt Joan and Karl.

Dad got ill, was sick all over the tv mag, mum rang me up one morning, & said she had to call the blood wagon (ambulance). So he was admitted to Durrington ward next to AMU level 2. AMU means Acute Medical Unit, stupid door buzzer didn't work; so a member of staff let's you in.

Horrendously hot on the wards, all the fans got chucked out because of Covid. 

Tuesday I was a bit late coming up to see him, he clapped his hands and I laughed. I didn't realize as I waved to him, it would be the last time I'd speak to him...😮‍💨

7th August I got a call from one of the nurses at 7.30am. I thought it was mum at first, as she usually rings my landline. My dad had deteriorated about 6am, they were going to move him to Pitten ward on level 4.

A nurse asked him to squeeze his hand which he did. I managed to get a bus up, I was shaking like a leaf.

I knew something wasn't right, as he was sat up with his head down jerking. He wasn't responding to anything I was saying, this happened briefly the previous day.

I couldn't get hold of mum as her phone was switched off. I eventually contacted Caroline Corbin to bring mum in.  I held his hand and told him all about the things we got up to in Teignmouth, once during the carnival in Teignmouth I came down during the day and I had to go later which I didn't like.  I was very upset, dad walked me to the station.

I was told to sit in a conservatory type area to wait.  My heart was breaking, I can't imagine life without dad being there, now I had no choice.  WE did get mum in as the Dr gently told us he was going to die, and it wouldn't be long. His head raised as they lowered the bed, the Dr said it was a reflex moment.  

Mum noticed that he had stopped breathing and the Dr said he had gone, at that moment my heart snapped.  Mum said after 30 minutes it wasn't worth staying, but I couldn't go.  A man who laughed, talked and had a wicked sense of humor was now stiff on a hospital bed, I couldn't believe he had gone and I still can't.

I had so much to say to him, now I've written a letter which I'm going to burn, hopefully it will get to him wherever he is. 

We saw him the following day at the chapel of rest in the bereavement department, as the door opened I recognized his pyjama legs.  I can't begin to tell you how unreal and painful it is to see someone laying there whom I know is dead, I thought I saw his eyes twitch in the chapel of Rest.

Mum felt his forehead and said he was cold, probably because he has just come from one of those freezers they use.  We just have to get used to him not being round anymore, mum said she didn't expect him to last forever but its still a shock, her soulmate and my dad gone.

I'm the last of the Topps in Salisbury, quite unreal but sadly true. I keep expecting dad to come downstairs from the bathroom, but that's not going to happen ever again. I've found some of his drawings which I'm going to frame.

Dad's glasses frames lie still and empty, I'm going to miss him so much 💔