Thursday 19th August 2021

 I'm feeling a bit sad today, I had a nice day at Weymouth yesterday but today I keep thinking about sad things, I'll tell you in a minute how I got on in Weymouth.

My parents are (apart from my cousins and my boy) all I have left.  After my parent's go my cousins won't give a damn about me and I'll be forgotten about, so I have to find things to occupy my mind  I'm the last one left of the Topp family, apart from my son who looks like Brian.

I'm trying to prepare a talk for the camera club in September, it's slow going but hopefully, I'll have at least something to show.  It's about ghosts and hauntings in Salisbury, my nerves get in the way when I try to talk in front of lot's of people and I dry up.  My inner voice shout's 'SHUT UP STUPID. YOUR TALKING CRAP, BUT THEY'RE TOO POLITE TO SAY ANYTHING!' So I start stuttering and talking nonsense.  

I feel awkward in Serve On Sometimes, their a fantastic group but soon even they will get tired of my funny little ways, sometimes because of my autism I feel I don't fit it and the 'bitch' I call my depression starts muttering, 'their only pretending to like you, your not an asset to the team'.

Nonetheless, I got up early to go to Weymouth, weather was overcast and saw no sun until it came out to set.  I used platform 2 this time, they say the station is haunted so it would be good to add that to my talk.  They say something invisible watches blokes in the men's toilets and the Pumpkin cafe has a presence.

The train started getting full after Bournemouth, it's the summer holidays and some people have come down on the London Waterloo train to Weymouth.  A lot of people are doing stay-cations, camping is very popular and one field I saw looks like a glamping city.  Got to Weymouth and 11.06 so I went for a walk along the seafront to a cafe by gardens, had a chat about flowers with a gardener who gave me some helpful tips on some I have.

I'm looking for shell's to put in the garden, I didn't see anything exciting as of yet.  I went to the nearest toilet block to change from my crop's into shops, the first disabled toilet I opened smelt bloody awful, the stench was so bad it could stun a dinosaur!

I went to the toilet block over the road from my usual cafe. No one glares at you for using a disabled toilet, my disability is hidden.  There was a program on it not long back featuring people who've been abused by strangers for using disabled facilities, one woman had her rucksack snatched by another woman who shouted at her on a train.  I would have been really angry, and shouted back to her to mind her own fucking business!

Had my lunch at my usual cafe, they only do snacks so I will try the cafe by the garden's next time. 

I had a weird dream last night about a tower block swaying in the wind, it eventually collapsed and I heard peoples screams raising towards the sky. I'm going nuts.

Things are getting very bad in Afghanistan on the news. The Taliban have retaken the area and people are desperate to get out, the picture above show's men on a flight to America.  many who couldn't get on were so desperate that they clung onto the outside, many falling to their death's from an unbelievable height.  

Women are chucking and handing over their precious children to American soldier's, often over razor-sharp barbed wire.  if they can't get out, maybe their children can.  There's also been a terrible crash at the airport with many people dying, scream's can be heard and gunshot's amid the boiling heat.

It's been said that people may get left behind, the clock is ticking and it must be bloody awful for them.  

The Taliban must hate women as they are going from house to house shooting people who spoke out against them.  Many women who went into jobs will be forced out, they don't believe in educating women. women who wear nail varnish are having their fingers chopped off, and one poor woman was set alight for cooking food they didn't like...

Troops are being sent out to rescue 6,000 British diplomats and any other foreign workers stuck out there.  Lot's of Afghan's are coming to the UK, but where will they go; I hope they don't bring the virus with them.  The Taliban are also executing translators as they are branded as traitors, they said they wouldn't do revenge killing's but they are I'm afraid.  They are also carrying out organised searches for journalist's they have drawn up a list so no one is safe.

Posters of women in beauty adverts have been vandalised, these animals are extremely violent towards women.  Do they want to exterminate, and wipe all women out?     

I went on an excersize with Serve On, some bright spark decided to hide markers in the most difficult places, unimaginable. I was a bit worried about going at first, as it's started to pee it down for over an hour.

The clay paths after the rain were like an ice rink, spent half the time holding onto Barry. He probably thought I was a right idiot! 

Got too dark to find the other markers, which we had to find the locations for on a map. A low mist was swirling over the fields, I managed to hopefully get an eerie picture of Sarum castle silhouetted against the dark sky.

We got the bus back in Stratford village, some of the houses are so old it's unbelievably facinating. My back tooth is slightly loose, I'm a bit worried so I rang the dentist, but they said that they cannot see me until the end of the year!

Covid-19 is costing people their health.